


Down But Never Out

by crazyforkazer



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 15:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3696869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyforkazer/pseuds/crazyforkazer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just something I wrote about Patrick Kane's injury.  I thought about continuing but I'm not sure at this time.  Any feedback is appreciated.  All mistakes are my own.  Thanks for reading!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Down But Never Out

Pat was going to the boards for the puck. He could feel the guy coming up behind him a second too late. It wasn’t even like the guy was coming on that fast, but it all seemed to happen in a blur. A cross-check, a trip, a stick? Pat couldn’t be sure, as he felt himself falling to the left, like it was happening in slow motion, but too fast for Pat to do anything to stop it. In the blink of an eye, Pat crashed in to the board, his left shoulder taking the brunt of the impact. The breath was knocked out of him and his vision blurred. But the sharpness of the pain and the spike of fear coursed like fire through Pat’s veins.

He was on his knees for what felt like an eternity. He couldn’t really focus, and that scared him. He could hear voices shouting over the blood rushing in his ears. He squinted his eyes, and slowly opened them trying to clear his vision. He was staring down at the ice, and then gradually his hands came in to focus. His right hand felt like it was stuck to the ice, while the left was numb from the pain that flashed from his shoulder to his fingers.

Pat was trying to stand (or at least he thought he was), but all he managed was to crawl a few inches across the ice. He was literally telling his brain, “Get up, come on, stand, skate”, but his body wouldn’t comply. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm the rising panic.

He was close to the Blackhawks’ bench – but not close enough. He couldn’t make it on his own power. He could vaguely make out the trainer, Gapski, running toward him. The next few minutes were a jumbled rush. Pat felt Gapski lean down and put his hand gently on his back. He was leaning in close, to be heard, even though the United Center had gone deathly silent.

“Kaner, Patrick… where are you hurt? Are you OK? Do we need to get a stretcher?”

Pat didn’t answer because honestly he wasn’t sure. He paused, trying to get his bearings, wanting to test things out first. He got to his feet slowly, and started to take a step. His skate blades barely moved on the ice, as he shuffled his way toward the bench.

The pain hit Pat like a lightning bolt – through his left shoulder and in to his collarbone, forcing him to double over in pain. Gapsky was still on his right side, trying to support him. He vaguely heard Gapsky yell over to the guys on the bench.

“Hey! I need some help over here.” Gapsky frantically called out to the team.

Even before the assistant trainer could make his way on to the ice, Jon was up and over the boards and on Kaner’s other side, helping him off the ice, and even going down the tunnel with him to one of the exam rooms.

Pat knew Jonny would probably hear it from Q for leaving the bench, but selfishly he was glad that Jon was by his side.

Gapsky and Jon managed to help Kaner make it to the trainer’s room. Gapsky helped Kaner up on to the table, and then told Jon that he needed to wait outside, while they ran some tests. Kaner could tell by Jon’s expression that he didn’t want to leave in the slightest, but one of the assistant coaches had already poked his head in the door, telling Jon he was needed back on the bench (if only to be a settling presence to the guys).

Jon reluctantly left Kaner’s side, but looked back over his shoulder to give Pat a small smile. “I’ll be back as soon as the period ends. You’re in good hands.”

Kaner sucked in a breath, wincing at the pain. “Thanks, Jonny.” Kaner was surprised at how foreign his own voice sounded to his ears, the words thick with pain and panic. He was trying hard to blink back the tears that threatened to fall. He already missed Jon as he heard the soft click of the door closing. He turned his face away from the door, trying to calm down, breathing deeply and closing his eyes. Right now, his thoughts were a jumbled mess – a combination of wants and wishes. He wanted Jon back in the room with him. He wanted his mom to tell him it would be okay. He wanted the pain to go away. He just wished he could start this game over. He wished he could be playing right now. And he wanted the first period to end quickly so he would have Jonny by his side again.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed but Pat had been through every test imaginable. The whole time, he’d tried to stare up at the ceiling, and not focus on the pain. The pain killers he’d been given were helping some, but not with the mental fear. The doctors knew for sure that it was an upper body injury; specifically, that his shoulder had taken most of the impact and that his left clavicle was broken.

But Pat couldn’t stop the thoughts that were racing through his head. And the mantra he kept repeating like an urgent prayer to the hockey gods. ‘Please not my wrist, please let me be able to play again, please not my wrist, please, please, please.’

Pat knew that his collarbone was broken. He realized that it would be a lengthy recovery process. But the fear was still pervading all his senses. He was thinking of all the things he wouldn’t be able to do and he just felt helpless. He was afraid his wrist would be impacted. A hockey player needs everything to work to play hockey, but his wrists? Those were his bread and butter and he’d already had surgery once. He couldn’t risk any further damage.

Pat felt like he was on the verge of having a panic attack. He could feel his breathing getting more and more shallow and his breaths were coming quicker and quicker. His palms were sweating and his heart was beating like a drum in his chest. He had never experienced anything like it. Between the medication he’d been given, and the severe anxiety, he felt like he was going to pass out. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and tried to calm his breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. It was easier said than done.

Pat concentrated on his breathing for what seemed like an eternity, trying to get his body under control as best he could. Pat was beginning to wonder if he should call for the doctors in the other room. He had broken out in a cold sweat, his hands felt clammy and he could feel his pulse hammering away in his ears. He had never had a panic attack before, but maybe this was what one felt like. Time seemed to drag on and on to Pat, but in reality, his symptoms only lasted a few minutes.

He turned his head, as he heard knocking on the door. To Pat’s relief, Jon poked his head in, still in his gear. He hadn’t even gone to the locker room first. Pat was so grateful for that fact, because it meant he got to spend even an extra minute of time with him. As soon as Pat laid eyes on Jon, he could feel his panic starting to dissipate. His breathing calmed down, his pulse rate slowed, and the tightness in his chest loosened.

Jon could tell something else (aside from the injury) was going on with Pat, so he walked over to Pat slowly, and reached out to touch his right arm. Jon hesitated as if he thought touching Pat might break him somehow. Jonny gave him a long, hard look, literally trying to see what was wrong with him.

Pat lifted his head up slightly, and tried for his best smirk. Judging by Jon’s chuckle, his attempt failed miserably.

“Hey,” Kaner said quietly. “I’m really glad you’re here, Jonny.”

“Where else would I be?” Jon looked him over carefully, trying to survey the damage. “What are the doctors saying? How are you feeling?”

Pat tried to shift on the table to get a better look at Jon, but found himself unable to. He blew out a frustrated breath. Then he started chewing on his lower lip, a dead giveaway that he was nervous and worried.

He cleared his throat, and looked at Jon as he walked closer. “They’re saying, um… broken collarbone. Surgery. And, um… I’ll be out for at least 12 weeks. His voice cracked as he continued, “Hell of an upper body injury, huh?”

Kaner looked like he had been sucker punched as he said the words. His voice wavered as he tried to continue. “I don’t know if I…”.

“Stop!” Jon interrupted him. “You don’t know anything yet.” Jon grabbed Patrick’s hand and squeezed. “Don’t go playing ‘what-if’. OK?”

Pat relaxed a little as Jon absent-mindedly rubbed circles in to the back of his hand. “I’m scared, Jon.” Kaner’s eyes were wide and he was blinking back tears, as he looked at Jon, looked at him like he had all the answers.

Jon looked around the room to make sure they were alone. The doctors and trainers were going over Pat’s tests and x-rays in the room next door, planning their strategy for what was best for Patrick. “Hey, baby… come on. Try not to worry. We’re in this together.” Jon reached up to smooth some hair out of Pat’s eyes, brushing his knuckles gently across Pat’s cheek. “Whatever happens, whatever the doctors say, we’re in it together. I got you.”

Patrick took a deep, shaky breath, and exhaled slowly. “Thank you.” He smiled at Jon, full and sincere, with unshed tears still shining in his eyes. “I know you really understand. What this means. What could happen. So I’m gonna do the best I can. But please, please promise me…”.

“Of course,” Jonny interrupted Pat before he could finish that sentence. Jonny gave Pat’s right hand a squeeze, just as he heard the doctor coming back in to the room. “Hang in there, Kaner. I’ve got to get back out there. But I’ll check on you again after the second. And don’t worry, we’re going to take care of Petrovic.”

As the second period was winding down, Patrick Sharp did just what Jon promised. He plastered Petrovic in to the boards, and made sure he knew there was a price to pay for taking out one of the Hawks’ star players.

The Hawks won the game, as much for themselves as for Kaner. Of course, all the guys were worried about Pat, obviously about his injury and his state of mind. Jon gave the “pep talk” though. That they had a good, strong group of guys willing to step up. They could do this. They could ban together and accomplish what they needed to do.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Almost two weeks had passed since Pat had his surgery to repair his broken collarbone. He was still looking at 10 weeks out, easy. He was trying to stay active on the bike and maintain his lower body strength as best he could, while doing what the doctors said. But he was bored out of his mind, and missing the guys, especially Jon. The Hawks were on a road trip right now, so all he could do was text, call or Skype with Jon.

Pat was lying on the couch, flipping through the TV channels, thinking about texting Jon. But he had taken his next dose of pain killers and they were starting to kick in. He stifled a yawn behind his hand. He shifted, trying to get more comfortable on the couch when his phone buzzed. He reached behind him on the table, feeling around for his phone, almost knocking it to the floor, before he was finally able to grab it and answer.

“Hello?” The word came out more jumbled than Pat expected. Maybe his pain killers were kicking in harder than he thought.

“Hey there, sleeping beauty. Did I wake you?” Jon asked teasingly. Pat thought he was trying to hold back a laugh.

“Screw you, man. I’m not asleep. Just resting my eyes,” but there was no heat behind the words.

“How are you feeling? Taking care of yourself? Getting enough sleep? Following doctor’s orders?” Jon paused to take a breath, which gave Pat a chance to interrupt him.

“Wow, Jonny. You must be really bored without me there. I bet you wrote all those questions down on a post-it-note, didn’t you?” Pat couldn’t help the giggle that escaped.

“Shut up, Kaner. I’m just calling to check on you. See how you’re doing. But if you don’t want me to call…,” Jonny let the silence hang in the air, and Pat knew he wouldn’t win this fight.

“Don’t be an ass, Jon.” Pat could feel the meds kicking in more by the minute, but he really wanted to talk to Jonny. He rearranged his pillow on the couch, so he was sitting up more, thinking it would help him focus on the conversation. “So, how are the guys?”

Jon knew Kaner had been watching the games and he knew how the team was doing, but it was important for Kaner to still feel a part of things. So, Jon started filling him in on some of the things he had missed. “You know, we’re struggling on the power play right now. We’ve got to get that going if we want to make a deep play-off run. The new guys are getting adjusted and acclimated. Q is changing up the line combos, as usual…”. Jon paused, and he realized it had gotten really quiet on the other end of the phone.

“Kaner?” Jon waited for a response. “Hello?…. Are you still there?”

It took a minute, but Pat shook off the pain killer induced haze enough to respond to Jon. “Yeah, yeah, I’m here. I’m good”, which was immediately followed by a deep yawn.

“Hey, bud, you sound tired. Why don’t we, um, talk more tomorrow, OK?”

Kaner’s voice was small and fading, as he asked, “Just a few more minutes, Jonny, please? Don’t go yet. “

Jonny didn’t know what else to say and he knew Pat was tired and needed his rest, but he couldn’t deny Pat. Not this, not anything. So Jonny started talking about what he would do over the summer in Winnipeg – about the fishing, the hiking, water skiing, and of course, being on the boat on his lake.

So, Pat listened to Jonny’s voice on the other end of the phone, finding way more comfort in the sound than he should. Pat let the cadence of Jon’s voice lull him into sleep. He couldn’t remember the last thing Jonny said, but he felt a warm feeling spread through his chest as he drifted in to sleep. He didn’t know what tomorrow would hold, but with Jon by his side, he felt hopeful and he felt loved.


End file.
